WEST LINN, OR—Local unemployed 28-year-old man Blake Wendler, who has lived in a makeshift room in his mother’s basement for the past ten years, recently logged on to her living room PC to visit a popular online forum for skeptics.
On the online forum he posted a long-winded rant accusing religion of being a “bloodsucking parasite dragging down society.” Wendler tried to hit the point home that what society needs is a giant dose of reason,
“Religion is a destructive leech that feeds on others’ resource,” wrote Wendler, the man who has lived off his religious mother’s good will for the entirety of his life. “If we can only show people the evils of all those freeloading religious institutions, our society can be free to truly flourish and progress.”
On the forum Wendler claimed to be a die hard fan of philosopher Boghossian’s work which has proven that certain parasites, namely Taenia Solium, live in the brains of religious people, a conclusion Boghossian came to through a sophisticated vetting process funded by atheist organizations to prove the conclusion he wanted to come to. Wendler says that this is a strong proof for the irrational behaviour of the religious, “A strong case has been made by a philosopher named Boghossian that religious people are irrational due to parasitic infection. Empirical evidence supports this fact.”
Wendler therefore believes that he is quite right theorizing that religion is a bloodsucking parasite not only in its dragging down of society but also in the literal biological sense. All the more reason to combat religious superstition so prevalent in society.
He further illuminates the moral atrocities committed by the religious, “Can you believe that religious organizations don’t pay any tax, while we common people struggle to pay Uncle Sam each year? It is not fair that we non-religious are treated like second class citizens in this country!”
At publishing time, Wendler had called religion “the opiate of the masses” before firing up a massive bong in his mom’s car.
This article was sourced from the Babylon Bee on top of which I sprinkled some of my own creativity.